She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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