you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
