Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
