i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
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