No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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