I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
