so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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