soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
