I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
