I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize