Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
