Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
