i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
