Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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