3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
