i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Found your dick twin last night
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
