my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
