I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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