nut hugger
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
