I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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