erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
