She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You are a genius and a whore.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
