White coat. Heels.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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