: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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