Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
