OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
