I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize