You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
