i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Your cock deserves a montage
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
