I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
