ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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