we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
