Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
