How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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