is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
