Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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