so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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