based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize