Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
