just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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