"it" just moved
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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