Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
