I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just want nice things and good sex
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
