i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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