her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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