you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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