Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
