I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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