The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
