I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
