In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
