I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Randomize
