Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Hippo gnu deer
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
