I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
