just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
