She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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