my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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