we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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