I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
