You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
