I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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