I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
FUCK WHALES
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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