don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
