Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
