3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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