that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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