How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize