Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
