I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
