all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
