He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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