I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
