never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
