Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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